we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
