Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
