Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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