Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
