oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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