nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
