There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
