I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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