when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
