Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
