You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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