Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
