He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
