I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
