No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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