I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
