haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize