I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
