what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
