lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
