He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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