I'm really into asian looking animals
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
