I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
