He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
