But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
