I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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