haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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