Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
