ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
