Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
