I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
