I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
