Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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