Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize