Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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