I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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