I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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