he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
