I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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