Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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