mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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