i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
