Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
