We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
