we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
