if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
