Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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