let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
