It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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