i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
