NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
