Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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