just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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