You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize