Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
