I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I need water and some morals
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
