I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize