Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
