a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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