I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Your cock deserves a montage
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
