i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
