i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
