dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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