I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he thought i was a dude.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
