I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
