me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
