Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
