you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
