i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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