I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
