Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
