Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
