when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
