You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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