Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
