I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
