My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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