She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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