I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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