I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
