the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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