Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
