I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
